Adolescence is a time of change—emotionally, physically, and socially. If you’re a caregiver to a teenager, you’ve likely noticed that things aren’t always as straightforward as they once were. From mood swings to shifting friend groups to academic pressure, the teenage years can be overwhelming. It’s normal for teens to stretch boundaries and seek independence, but when negative changes become patterns, it’s time to pay closer attention.
At Lena Pope, we believe in supporting children, youth, and families through life’s challenges. We talked with Family Therapist, Elizabeth Zapata, LMSW, about how to help caregivers understand what’s happening during the often-complicated teen years—and how to respond in supportive, meaningful ways.
Understanding What Teens Are Facing
Teenagers today face a lot. Their brains and bodies are flooded with hormones. They’re learning to navigate friendships, family expectations, school, and the constant presence of social media. Compared to past generations, teens today are also more exposed to substances like marijuana (including high-THC products), nicotine, and other drugs—often starting in middle or high school. “Many teens have used or been exposed to substances in some form,” shared Elizabeth.
With all of this going on, it’s no wonder many teens struggle with mental health.
Know the Signs
While every teenager will go through some ups and downs, or some changes from their early years to adolescence, struggles that become ongoing patterns are worth noting. Pay attention to:
- Changes in mood or sleep patterns
- Social withdrawal from friends, family, or previously loved activities
- Aggression, whether verbal or physical
- Sudden academic decline or increased forgetfulness
“For example, a teen who used to love sports but suddenly quits and withdraws socially may be experiencing something you need to investigate,” said Elizabeth. If your once-outgoing child becomes isolated, it’s time to check in.
These patterns may signal underlying mental health concerns, including depression, anxiety, or substance use. If you’re noticing multiple signs, it’s important to seek help—not just for the teen, but for your whole family.
Create a Safe Space to Talk
When it comes to teens, listening is one of the most powerful tools you have. Elizabeth shared, “Too often, parents jump in with advice or try to finish their child’s sentences because they are trying to help, but that makes the teen feel like you are not listening or like they are being judged. Instead, focus on listening to understand—not to respond.” Try open-ended questions and phrases like:
- “That sounds really difficult.”
- “I hear you.”
- “What can I do to help?”
- “I want to listen and support you.”
Let your teen clarify what they’re trying to say, instead of assuming or filling in the blanks. This builds trust and helps your child feel validated. “The goal isn’t to fix everything, it’s to show your teen they can come to you, even when things feel hard or overwhelming,” emphasized Elizabeth.
Caring for Yourself While You Parent
Parenting a teen is not easy, and you shouldn’t try to do it alone. Many caregivers feel isolated, but there is support. Local parenting groups, friends, family members, and professionals can help you feel more grounded and less alone.
Also, model the self-care you want to see in your teen. Prioritize sleep, physical activity, and hobbies—even small things like journaling, reading, or walking. These daily habits teach your teen how to manage stress in healthy ways. While a spa day to practice self-care can be helpful, sometimes it’s simply about breathing, moving, or resting.
Talk About Feelings—Even When It’s Uncomfortable
“Talking about emotions isn’t always comfortable, especially if it wasn’t modeled for you growing up. But showing your teen that it’s okay to feel, cry, or admit you’re overwhelmed builds emotional awareness and trust,” said Elizabeth.
If you’re not sure how your teen will respond, try it anyway. You might be surprised by how willing they are to open up once you do.
Collaborate on Boundaries
Teens crave autonomy, but they still need structure. When possible, create rules and boundaries together. That might look like negotiating curfews, screen time limits, or expectations around school. Working as a team can reduce power struggles and help your teen understand the “why” behind the rules.
Not every rule is up for discussion, especially those involving safety, but involving your teen when appropriate gives them ownership and builds mutual respect.
Keep the Lines of Communication Open
Communication is the foundation of a strong parent-teen relationship. It’s not just what you say, but how you say it. Monitor your tone and be mindful of how your words land. You can even pause a tough conversation and come back to it when emotions settle. Elizabeth recommends saying something like, “We’re both upset. Let’s talk about this later tonight or tomorrow.”
Some families find that certain settings, like a car ride or a walk, make it easier to talk. Eye contact isn’t always necessary, and giving your teen physical space to process emotions can help them feel safer opening up.
You’re Not Alone, and Your Teen Isn’t Either
Teenagers aren’t perfect, and they don’t need to be. They’re figuring out who they are and how they fit in the world. They will make mistakes. That doesn’t mean they’re broken. It just means they need support, and so do you.
If you’re struggling, reach out. Whether it’s a parenting group, a counselor, or a school support system, help is available. And remember, every family can benefit from one key skill: communication. Learning how to talk, and listen, with care can make all the difference.
At Lena Pope, we believe in walking alongside families through every season of life. Parenting a teenager comes with its challenges, but it also brings moments of joy, discovery, and deep connection. You don’t have to do it alone.
You can support teenagers and families who are struggling. Consider making a gift to remind them they are not alone.